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How Family Diet Talk Affects Kids More Than We Think
“I need to be good today.”
“That’s the last thing I want to eat, I was bad and overindulged this weekend!”
“These jeans are really unflattering on me.”
“Oh, and I start my diet on Monday.”
So many of us have heard things like this at the dinner table, in dressing rooms, or family gatherings. Those words may roll off our lips, we don’t even think twice about it. But children do!
Before kids are even aware of calories, carbs or weight loss they are learning how to relate to food and their own bodies from the adults around them.
The reality is that in many cases, the family diet-culture chatter we forget about may be of far greater importance to kids than we can ever know.
Kids Are Always Listening
Usually, parents think that children ignore conversations about weight and dieting, especially if those comments are not about themselves.
Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case.
Kids are always in a process of gathering information about our environment. They hear their parents discuss food, exercise, weight, aging and appearance.
They experience repeated exposure to messages like:
– “I need to lose weight.”
– “I was “bad” by having dessert!”
– “I can not wear that because I look fat.”
Inevitably, they learn beliefs about what bodies are supposed to look like and how we view food.
Unintentionally, we may be teaching children that:
- Thinness equals success
- Weight determines worth
- There are “good” and “bad” foods
- Eating should come with guilt
- Bodies are construction projects and constantly need to be repaired
The Messages Children Internalize
Kids won’t always repeat what they hear, but they often absorb it.
For example, a child may start to pick at their own body if they hear a parent criticizing theirs.
For example, if a child sees one of their parents constantly going on diets then this child will learn that they must restrict food to become an adult.
If a child listens to family members share negative comments about weight, they may develop a fear of gaining weight themselves.
Researchers have found that parental dieting and weight talk is associated with:
- Increased body dissatisfaction
- Lower self-esteem
- Disordered eating behaviors
- Chronic dieting
- Binge eating
- Greater Potential for Developing Eating Disorders
Even when comments aren’t aimed at a child, they still have a big impact on them!
So many parents are working hard to not comment on their child which is great, but they loudly keep complaining or commenting negatively on their own body and food choices.
For Example:
- “I feel so fat.”
- “I really can not believe I ate so much of that.”
- “I need to get back on track with food.”
- “My body is a disaster.”
As personal as these comments might sound, children may take them on as lessons.
If Mom did not like her body at all, then what do I think of mine?
If dad feels guilty after dessert, then should I?
Children learn about how to view their own bodies by observing what the adults in their lives do with theirs.
The Problem with Labeling Foods as "Good" or "Bad"
Many households unintentionally divide foods into categories:
- Healthy vs. unhealthy
- Clean vs. junk
- Good vs. bad
While the intention is usually to encourage healthy eating, these labels can create shame around food.
Children may begin to believe that eating a cookie makes them “bad” or that enjoying dessert means they have failed.
Over time, this all-or-nothing thinking can contribute to guilt, secrecy around food, and unhealthy eating patterns.
Instead of labeling foods as good or bad, consider talking about what foods do for our bodies.
For Example:
- Some foods provide lasting energy.
- Some foods help us grow and develop.
- Some foods are eaten simply because they taste good and bring joy.
All foods can fit.
What To Say Instead
The goal isn’t to be perfect. The idea is to foster a home where food and bodies are treated with dignity and compassion.
Instead, fill diet conversations with messages such as:
- “All bodies are different.”
- “Food gives us energy.”
- “Let us focus on how we feel instead of what the scale says.”
- “Your bodies do so much for us every day.”
- “It’s OK that you had dessert!”
- “Movement is something we do to feel good, not just because we have to
move in order to eat.”
As a parent, those unwritten implicit messages encouraged the children with their self confidence to trust & listening to their bodies and also how to develop overall positive food relationships.
Establishing ground for a positive food environment in your house
Children do best when food is consistent, balanced and judgement free.
There are tips on how this can be supported:
- If it’s possible, have eating meals together and all.
- Never talking about diets and weight in front of children
- Not commenting on body size (even if you tried doing this with good intentions)
- Presenting different food options without imposing
- Promote exercise for fun rather than burning calories.
- Emphasizing attributes beyond physical appearance.
Even small tweaks in conversations can make a difference.
The Bottom Line
Children are listening even when we don’t think they are!
How we discuss food and weight will help determine how our kids think about food and weight.
Rather than teaching our children that their intrinsic value is wrapped up in a digit on the scale, we can help them learn their bodies are worthy of nutrition, respect and care.
Because the point is not to grow children who know how to diet.
The point is to raise children who can really trust their bodies, enjoy food, and see that they are so many things other than how they look.
Our St. Louis area dietitians specialize in pediatric nutrition counseling and eating disorder treatment.
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